I found this blog entry from a very early blog i used to write obviously not from this blog. The reason why I am posting it here now is because it still hasnt lost its relevance. After something over four years since i wrote it though! Read on...
I am in a train. Travelling at 80kmph going north - northeast. I do this almost every weekend. I work in a city different from where i was born and brought up. So i go back to my home town to stay with my folk for the weekend. And then on Sunday evening I come back. But this weekend is different. Thats because I am coming back on Monday instead of Sunday. I have taken Monday off.
So here I am in a train along with my friend who thankfully has taken a leave too and hence is keeping me company. All is going well. I really like it when I am not working on a Monday. Thats when my friend decides to ruin it all. "What is life to you?", she asked me innocently. Many would dismiss the question. Many would give absurd replies. But not me. I can't say anything. I have wasted countless hours thinking about an answer. And the problem is that I hardly seem to get near it.
The Age Of Warriors. Unsheathed swords. Warlords. The fear they command. The respect they get. Maybe I have been born in a wrong time. Maybe i was not meant to be here. At this moment. "Bol naa", she breaks my chain of thoughts, "what are you thinking?". Somehow I explained to her that I would never be able to explain it to her(!!) and even if I did, she would never understand! Conversation over. We start talking about other things. But in my mind, I am still thinking about it.
The best answer I got to this question was in a movie in a foriegn language with English subtitles that I saw initially cause I did not have anything better to do and then as the movie progressed cause it was really interesting. I never came to know the name of the movie but this is the answer that a charater from the movie gives..."I dont know what life is. But I like to think that it has some meaning and we all will know it someday." Very simple. Very straightforward. There is nothing philosophical to it. But it is the truth. People can go on talking about life. But they would never be able to give you a convincing answer.
But my viewpoint of life is something that even I fail to understand sometimes. I am living just for the sake of living. I do not know how many lives would be affected with my non-existence. Probably none. Because if I was not born, no one would miss me. They would not know who I am. I do not know how many lives would be affected if I die tomorrow. None again. Many would weep and many would be filled with sorrow. But their life would go on. I must have probably led more than a third of my life considering the average life span of a human but i have not done anything that would bring me glory.
Maybe that is why i feel i shouldn't have been born in this age. I would have become a war hero. Go to distant lands. Travel far and wide. And everyone would recognize me. Would respect me for who i was. My enemies dare not stand in front of me. My friends know that they are protected sitting beside me. My family can sleep peacefully even in days of war knowing that only my name can terrorise my enemies.
Then one day I would like to take a walking stick and take a path which has never seen the feet of man. Venture out where none have. I would probably have died upon a sword. But it would have been a glorious death. People would have remembered me for ages.
Would it have been a better life? Better than travelling in a train at 80kmph north - northeast?
